The Phrases shared by A Parent That Rescued Me during my time as a New Father

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You are not in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a larger failure to talk between men, who still internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a short trip away, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."